


let us be (you and I)

by fakehaunting



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hanukkah, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Love Confessions, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27907411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakehaunting/pseuds/fakehaunting
Summary: Instead of responding, Bucky holds up the present- presents to be accurate. In his hands are two sweaters, one blue and one red, perfectly embroidered and very clearly handmade. The blue one is Hanukkah themed and has JBB embroidered on the back, the red one is Christmas themed and has STW on the back. There’s a giant Christmas tree on his and a giant dreidel on Bucky’s, both glittery and soft looking.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	let us be (you and I)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the sambuckylibrary festive season event on tumblr!

There have been a few times over the years when Sam has wondered what’s going on in Bucky’s head. Times when he’s dip dyed his prosthetic (unsuccessfully), used expired milk, bought a chainmail crop top, and his attempts at cutting his own hair to name a few. Wondering what’s going on with his weird best friend is nothing new, truly it isn’t, but this time takes the cake. 

Bucky’s ripping through wrapping paper like a child on Christmas morning, sitting on the ground in nothing but his boxers. He looks like he’s about to explode from excitement and it’s cute but also a little worrying; an exploded Bucky would not be fun to explain to Bucky’s mama. “It’s not Christmas or Hanukkah yet,” Sam says. “So why do you have a present?” 

“My ma sent it over to us.”

“Us?”

Bucky looks up at him and smiles sheepishly, “Technically it was for both of us.” 

“So you’re opening my present,” Sam deadpans. “Real classy of you, Barnes.” 

“She’s my ma so I get first dibs anyway,” Bucky says and throws the final piece of wrapping paper away from the present. He stops completely, his expression going from excited to confused to horrified in all of two seconds. 

“What is it?”

“Oh no, she really did it,” Bucky gasps. “She was threatening to and she finally did it!” 

“Did  _ what _ ?”

Instead of responding, Bucky holds up the present-  _ presents _ to be accurate. In his hands are two sweaters, one blue and one red, perfectly embroidered and very clearly handmade. The blue one is Hanukkah themed and has JBB embroidered on the back, the red one is Christmas themed and has STW on the back. There’s a giant Christmas tree on his and a giant dreidel on Bucky’s, both glittery and soft looking. 

“Holiday sweaters,” he says, equal parts horrified and amazed. “Did she make them herself?”

Bucky nods, looking at him pathetically. “I am so sorry Sam. She’s been sending me threatening texts for two months and asked me for your size. I thought she was fucking around but apparently not.” 

Sam then notices that backs each have half a heart embroidered around the nameplate. His eyes widen and Bucky pales even further. “They’re… she thinks we’re a couple,” Bucky mumbles. 

“Why does she think that?” 

“Becca was there that, uh, that time when we kissed.” 

Ah yes, the kiss. It’s something that Sam refuses to think about very much because it makes him feel weird. Kissing your best friend isn’t something you usually do, at least Sam doesn’t, so the one time it happened was quite monumental. He remembers Bucky’s soft lips fondly when he thinks about it and it makes his stomach hurt. 

“Sam?”

_ You were silent too long, it’s getting weird.  _

“We’re visiting them for the holidays and they think we’re dating,” Sam replies. Bucky nods solemnly. “I feel like correcting them would be a bad idea.”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow. “Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because your ma clearly worked hard on these sweaters; it would be mean to tell her she was wrong.”

“That’s… actually very considerate of you,” he says and looks at Sam with a soft expression. “You’ve grown so much as a person,” he adds and ruins it all.

Sam rolls his eyes and walks over to grab his sweater. “You should follow my example then.” 

“But our differences are what keeps our relationship spicy,” Bucky replies. “Variety is the spice of life after all.”

He can’t help but groan at the cheesiness of it. He often forgets how much Bucky loves to annoy him despite how much it happens. “You’re a dumpster fire, JBB.”

“I love you too, STW.” 

-

With their Hanukkah visit fast approaching, the two of them hatch a plan to become the perfect holiday couple. It all revolves around making sure that Bucky’s mother thinks that they’re a couple and to make her feel good about the presents she gave them. Sure it’s silly to pretend to be in a relationship for the sake of a present but the last thing either of them wants is to make anyone feel bad. 

Steve is the first one to catch onto them. “So you’re finally dating Bucky,” he says, sounding giddy. “I knew it would happen one day.”

Sam chokes on his hot chocolate then glares at Steve’s snort. “We’re not dating.”

“You are! Becca texted me and told me you loved the couples sweaters Winnie knitted and you’re wearing them to their Hanukkah celebration. “You two have been sneaking around since that kiss, haven’t you?”

He feels heat rising in his cheeks but rolls his eyes to hide his embarrassment. “We’re not dating, dumbass. Winnie sent us the sweaters because Becca told her we were and we’re not about to hurt her feelings by telling her she was wrong.”

Surprisingly, Steve looks sad and dejected. Sam can’t stand the puppy dog look on his face so he decides to buy him a cookie to perk him up. Once he has his cookie he looks less like he’s about to cry, Sam decides to explain things a little more. “So basically we’re going to pretend to be together for Bucky’s ma’s sake. I know telling you defeats the whole purpose of keeping our plan a secret but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Steve finishes his cookie and sighs. “I just thought the two of you had finally gotten together. Me and Bruce have been waiting for this for  _ months _ .”

“Wait what?”

“Ever since you kissed-”

“- that kiss wasn’t a real kiss,” Sam assures him. “It was just a thing that happened.”

“It sure looked real to me,” he mutters. 

“Friends can kiss and have it not mean anything!” he shouts. 

The other customers in the cafe look at him in surprise and a barista chimes in, “Not true, bruh. Kisses mean something, always.”

“Thank you!” Steve gloats. “Plus it really was a hell of a kiss.”

“It’s not my fault Bucky’s a good kisser,” he mumbles, annoyed. “It was a one time thing that we haven’t talked about since then so it meant nothing.” 

“You seriously haven’t talked about it?”

“No and I don’t know why that matters.”

“You brought it up,” Steve points out. “It sounds like you want to talk about it and I think you should before you start whatever this is.”

“Why is that, exactly?”

“Because kisses will happen during your two day stay at the Barnes residence. They hang mistletoe for you every single year, Sam.”

“I always kiss Winnie on the cheek.”

“But now you’re ‘dating’ Bucky, so you’ll be expected to kiss him.” Shit. He’s completely right and now Sam is starting to panic. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Sam crosses his arms on the table and leans his head down against them. Kissing Bucky again is going to be a dangerous game because he’s crushed down the memory of what his kiss is like for over a year now. He doesn’t want to relive the moment- at least not in front of all of Bucky’s family. It’s something he’s been hiding away from and he’s afraid of what his reaction might be. 

“Sam,” Steve says gently, “you can still call this thing off. Pretend like it’s a joke, Buck will understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand,” Sam replies. “This is all a miscommunication.”

“Can I ask you something?” He knows exactly what Steve is going to ask and fears it deeply.

“Go ahead.”

“Do you… are you into Bucky like that?”

“I…” Sam starts but lets his voice cut off because he doesn’t know what to say. 

-

The thing about Sam and Bucky’s friendship is that they started out hating each other. Bucky was cocky and annoying and Sam was always on edge around him because of how much he loved to tease him. Their personalities clashed constantly, so badly that Steve really thought they would never get along. It wasn’t the best situation, but somehow they’d bonded over their mutual love for Steve and found each other’s gaming friend codes, and the rest is history. 

The kiss happened just over a year ago, Sam isn’t counting he’s just good with dates, and in small ways changed their friendship. It was really a simple thing; during their annual trivia night, Bucky got excited that their team beat Steve and Becca’s so he kissed Sam. It surprised the hell out of him and he found himself kissing back. It was only for a few seconds but it made the entire room quiet down and left him aching in ways he would not and has not acknowledged. 

Sam loves Bucky, of course he does. He’s his best friend and he loves him. They’re inseparable because they live together and just like spending time with each other which of course comes naturally with friendship. Sure they share food, cuddle sometimes, know each other’s schedules by heart, and have each other listed as their emergency contacts second to their mothers, but that’s normal friend stuff. 

But Bucky makes his heart race on a normal day and his entire body ache on a good day. On bad days he still does his best to light up Sam’s world. He goes out of his way to show Sam affection and make sure that he’s doing okay, just like a best friend would. 

_ Sort of like a boyfriend would _ , his brain supplies. 

If he notices Sam’s sudden existential crisis, he doesn’t say anything. He acts the same as he always does in the days leading up to their visit and makes him feel warm despite the weirdness he feels. It’s comforting in the best way and it makes him want things he can’t have. 

It makes him want Bucky.

-

If there’s one thing to love about the Barnes family, it’s their endless warmth and kindness. They throw parties for all of Bucky’s friends because they’ve all been adopted by Winifred and she wants their happiness. Everyone is invited to Hanukkah celebrations, New Years Eve parties, and she even bakes them cakes for their birthdays. It’s the sweetest thing in the entire world which is why their plan is so important. 

When they pull up at Winifred’s house, the entire Barnes family is there in droves. Everyone is wearing a lovely handmade sweater with their initials on it and they’re all as friendly as ever. “Ready?” Bucky asks and smiles at him nervously. 

“Of course I’m ready.”

“Then take my hand, baby cakes, and we can make these two days magical.” 

Sam grins despite himself and gives him a high five before getting out to grab his bag from the trunk. They’ll be sleeping in Bucky’s old room overnight then leaving the next afternoon, so they’ve both packed an overnight bag. He grabs Bucky’s to sling it over his shoulder but Bucky’s quick; he takes both Sam’s and his own bags, then offers Sam his hand. 

They get a chorus of hellos once they’re in view of the house but everyone goes silent when they see them holding hands. “It’s them!” One of the kids shouts and all hell breaks loose. 

Suddenly Winifred is there and running out the door to greet them. “Sammy, Jamie! It’s so nice to see you!”

“You saw me two weeks ago, ma,” Bucky points out. 

Winifred rolls her eyes. It’s not hard to tell where Bucky got his sass from and Sam is loving every minute of it. “I haven’t seen you in far too long, Sammy. I made your favourite crispy potatoes this year.”

“Thank you so much, Winnie. I’ve been craving your cooking like nothing else and the pleasure of your company, of course.”

“Kiss ass,” Bucky mumbles. Sam squeezes his hand hard and he grimaces in response. 

“Jamie, your face will stay like that if you’re not too careful,” Winifred says sweetly.

“Stop playing favourites!” Bucky whines. “I know you like my boyfriend better than you like me but you don’t have to rub it in my face.” 

“Aww sweetheart you know I love you very much,” she says. “Let’s get inside and you can have first pick of the sweets.”

“Yes!” 

Winifred leads them into the house and ushers them inside where they’re immediately swarmed by the family. Seeing everyone all together fills Sam with joy and he immediately feels at home again. All of Bucky’s nieces and nephews crowd around him so that they can give him hugs and ask to be lifted up- he spends a solid 15 minutes doing exactly that. It’s always good to earn points with your boyfriend’s relatives. 

_ Fake boyfriend. _

Bucky sticks closer to him than he usually does, holding his hand at every opportunity and bringing him food whenever he has a free minute. Becca is the first one who actually has the nerve to come up and talk to him about it, not that that’s a surprise. 

“So you two finally got some sense,” she says. “Was it the kiss that sealed the deal?”

“No,” he answers quickly. “It was some time after that.” 

“It should’ve been sooner,” she replies. “When he calls ma he basically spends the entire call talking about you and man it gets downright poetic sometimes.” 

“He does?”

Becca scoffs, “He talked about the little gap between your front teeth for 20 minutes, Sam. 20 minutes.” 

Sam’s cheeks warm and he tries his hardest to hide the smile that’s threatening to break loose. 

“That boy is in love with you,” she says. “I’m surprised he only told you recently.”

“Huh?”

“He told ma that he was gonna tell you like a month ago,” she says like she hasn’t just broken Sam’s mind completely. “I told him to tell you right after you kissed but he refused to.”

“That was over a year ago.”

“I know, I think it’s a bit ridiculous but you know how he can get.” 

“ _ Becca _ ,” Bucky hisses from behind them. They both turn around and find Bucky nearly shaking with rage, his eyes glistening and his face red. His hands are clenched into fists by his sides and he looks about ready to cry. “You always have to open up your big mouth-”

“Hey,” Sam tries to intervene but Bucky won’t even acknowledge him. 

“- and fuck things up!” 

“James,” Winifred says sternly. “Outside, now.” Bucky turns on his heel and walks right out the door, slamming it behind him. Winifred smiles tightly at everyone and tries her best to make light of the situation before following him outside. 

-

Hours later, Bucky comes back with hot chocolate and coffee. He also has marshmallows for the kids and sets everything up in the kitchen. Winifred came back ages ago and Sam knew that their plan had failed majorly. She didn’t say anything except that dinner was about to be ready but he knew that she knew about the lie because she walked over and hugged him tightly without saying a word. 

Bucky, on the other hand, refuses to acknowledge him. He and Becca disappear for a little while and come back looking like they’ve reached an understanding, but Bucky still ignores him. Sam doesn’t know how to navigate this at all; even when they hated each other they still interacted, if only to fight. He’d rather be fighting with Bucky than be ignored by him. 

They eventually have to go to bed, which will be awkward considering there’s only one bed and Bucky won’t even look at him. Sam washes up for bed and gets under the covers, leaving the small attached bathroom to Bucky. He tries forcing himself to go to sleep before Bucky comes to bed but he just can’t manage it. Bucky slides in beside him and as soon as their arms brush together, Sam turns to face him. 

“So we’re not gonna talk about this?” he asks softly. 

Bucky chews on his lip for a minute before replying, voice quiet. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You could tell me Becca was talking shit and I’ll believe you,” he offers.  _ It’ll hurt but I’ll believe you. _

“I… I don’t remember the last time I lied to you actively- I don’t like doing it, but sometimes telling the truth is difficult,” Bucky says. He sounds exhausted and horribly sad; it hurts to hear. “Becca wasn’t- she wasn’t talking shit.”

Sam’s heart hammers so loudly he fears Bucky can hear it in the silence of the room. “When you kissed me, did it mean something?”

Bucky laughs brokenly. “Of course it did.”

“What did it mean to you?” He needs to know, needs verbal confirmation that what he felt was mutual. 

“You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up, I hear you laugh and my heart races, I see you smile and it aches. I kissed you because you were grinning and making fun of Steve and Becca and I wanted to taste your happiness. It meant everything to me, okay? Everything,” he says and turns his back to him. 

“I kissed you back,” Sam whispers just loud enough for him to hear. “Because it meant something to me too.” He gets out of bed and walks out, going downstairs and outside. 

It’s freezing cold and he isn’t wearing shoes or a jacket but he doesn’t care. He needs to clear his head and the crisp air is helping somewhat. He takes a deep breath in and out, repeating it a few times until he doesn’t feel like crying anymore. 

So what if Bucky loves him and hates himself for it? All Bucky can do is cut him out, all that can happen is that he loses his best friend. 

“Sam,” Bucky says, no, cries as he steps outside after him. “You kissed me back?”

“Of course I kissed you back!” he says, distraught. 

Bucky puts his hand on Sam’s cheek and Sam leans into it, unable to stray away from the gravity of his touch. “So do it again,” he murmurs. His eyes search Sam’s face for something he doesn’t know, glistening and glittering. “Kiss me back.” 

“Fuck that,” Sam says and kisses him first instead. Bucky’s hand moves to the back of his neck and pulls him in closer, kissing him back softly. He pulls away only slightly so that he can speak, “I think I’ve loved you for a while now.”

Bucky absolutely  _ beams.  _ “I love you too.”

And if they go downstairs the next morning wearing each other’s sweaters? It’s no one’s business but their own. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first dabble in sambucky in a very long time, so I really hope everyone enjoyed it! your comments and kudos mean the entire world to me, so thank you if you choose to leave some! Happy holidays everyone <3
> 
> please feel free to follow me on [tumblr!](https://lesbianhozier.tumblr.com/) I just made it and I'm eager to interact


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